Hi Brenda....
I have not been reading the boards so much lately, so please forgive me for my late reply.
I am always amazed at the stories I have come across in which the birthparents have rejected the child! This always breaks my heart and causes sadness. We read so often on this boards how the birthmothers can never move beyond the pain, yet your story shows that is NOT the case, always.
Sometimes I feel that this board can project the wrong image to some of us. I feel, it leads us to believe that most birthmothers are out there suffering, unable to move beyond the pain of placing a child. While I am sure this is true for some birthmothers, it is obviously not true for all. I personally know of three others within the last few weeks who have experienced rejection by their birthparents. Even though I use the word rejection , I know it is not real rejection. How can someone reject someone they don't know?
Debsdone put it nicely....she writes, "Brenda, It never was, nor will it ever be YOUR loss. The loser is someone who will never even know it. You will be fine." This is so true. You have lost nothing Brenda, only gained insight into your past and peace in knowing that you are where you are supposed to be. Please don't take this pain onto your shoulders, let it pass and learn from it so you can help others.
Dlouis writes...Your grace and forgiving attitude is beautiful and inspiring. I too have always felt that I was where I was meant to be. After reading my non id info I truly wished that my parents were alive so I could give them a big hug and let them know how very grateful I am that God led them to me when I was 13 months old.
and
Radiodoll writes.... "IT's amazing to me that the universe seems to place us where we are suppose to be."
I agree 100% with all of these ladies. Life is journey and the road is not always clear but I know, without a doubt, that my little girl is where she is supposed to be. The strangest thing I can give you to back this up is the birthmark that my daughter has on her right shoulder. The exact birthmark as I, and my mother have. My daughters birthmother was amazed when she saw it. She told me that in her family, they have a little strawberry that shows up on the upper thigh. This child has no marks on her thigh, only her shoulder. Now, isn't that strange??? This is my conviction that this little girl is where she is supposed to be. A wise person, told me many months ago on this forum, "who are we to judge God's plan". It put an end to my guilt and I hope it will bring you some peace.
In closing I have to agree with bajohnson, "secrets are evil". Don't let yourself be sad another day for something that you can not control. Secret's brew evil, but this was the norm for many who had to place many years ago. I was told by many that they were informed to forget about the child. Maybe as a young woman your birthmother was told this and probably internalized it so well that she can't move past it. I don't know. I do know that today, with open adoptions, the families are no longer living in secrets. That is a good thing that has changed in adoption.
These are just my thoughts Brenda. I hope you can put this in perspective. Sometimes our journey leads us down roads that we can not undersand right now, but later become clear. This was true with my many years of infertility. I didn't understand it. I didn't like it. I was angry at God and everyone for it, but now, it's the best thing that ever happened to me. I am a better person because of it.
Hugs to you, Brenda.
