"I will not tell anyone she knows of her shameful secret.....ME!!!!! Imagine that...after all these years..I'm still a shameful secret!!!!"
Please don't feel that it is
"YOU" that is
"her shameful secret". While I understand why you would feel that way, I personally believe
their previous behavior is what some bmothers don't want the people in their current life to know about. Their fear of anyone finding out about
that is what keeps them from opening the door even a little bit to us. We, the adoptees are the
result of the behavior that they feel is shameful. If there had been no child, they most likely would still keep their behavior secret. The fact that there WAS a child is something some bmothers never dealt with and obviously still do not want to deal with.
I'm not saying this is fair, and it's only my opinion. I certainly would think, at the very least, as one human being to another, that the information you need and want could have been given without divulging her past.
Some of us were discussing on another thread how skewed our perceptions about bmothers are as a result of what we read on the forum. The bmothers that
do not want to be found are not represented here at all. The only posts we read are from bmothers longing to know that
"their children" are alive and well, bmothers that are upset if the child they contact does not immediately relate to them as
"a mother". It gives us all a very skewed perception and sets us up to feeling even more rejected when our birthmother does not share ANY of these feelings.
Again, I'm truly sorry
for the pain, frustration and disappointment you are feeling. It's only been a week so it's understandable that your emotions are raw. Reach out to those in your life that do love you and want to support you. Keep "rambling" to us and we'll "ramble" back! Take care!!
