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You are not being unreasonable. Here's the problem:The therapist doesn't know what to do. She must have a discharge plan at all times. She knows he needs to remain locked up. She can't say that. That's her problem, not yours.
You have a couple problems. First, from what I've read, your child is not a good canidate for a step down program. He isn't taking any responsibility for himself. In order to be successful in a step down, he would have to work on being independant. Being bi-polar, his first step would be taking responsiblility for his medication. He also has to get along with other human people in the world. Do you think he can do that? Step down makes it easier for them to kick him into independant living. He doesn't sound like he can handle that.
Second, ignore the threats and blame they're laying on you. YOu need to be in charge of your child's care. If your son doesn't attend family therapy, he should lose his level and when my son did this, we refused to accept phone calls until the next session. He can't refuse to attend sessions and blame you. That's not treetment and the therapist knows it's easier to blame you and use "unconditional love" than to confront her client. She's helping him stay sick. It is not now, nor ever, o'kay for him to not follow house rules or sabatoge passes. If he isn't on his program, he gets no pass. Allowing him to not follow the rules at home does not show him unconditional love, it shows him he can control everyone and everything. He will never get better if he isn't held accountable for his choices. Let him know you love him, but the world has rules as does your home. Let him know you'll always be his mother, and that home is always there whenever he's ready to work on his life.
The therapist needs to be more confrontational. I'm sure the child's had enough therapy to hammer out his past. He gets why his life's a mess, except for the part where change is in his control. Dwelling on the past with a child like this(& mine)only allows them to continue being a victim. It's time to start talking about his future and what he(not you)is going to do about it.
I pm'd you my email if you wanna talk more.
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