[patrisha]

My reunion has also turned out pretty well (in my opinion anyway) and like maureen my son was over 30 when he searched and found me.

Many bmom's were not only traumatized by the pain of a closed adoption, but were severely mistreated by the "professionals" we trusted during pregnancy and delivery. Those of us that survived the ordeal and rebuilt our self esteem will be more secure facing the child we "left behind" and "outing" that child to current family and friends. Unfortunately, many bmoms never recovered and suffered thru secondary infertility, alcoholism, drug addiction, and/or other destructive behaviors that left them unwilling or unable to face their child.

The maturity level (not necessarily the age) of the adoptee at the time of the reunion plays an important role. If they are old enough to have lived a little and made a few tough life choices of their own they are less likely to be judgemental, can better appreciate the complexity of the reunion relationship, and keep expectations in check.

The attitude of the adoptees' parents have projected about their birth family throughout their life is very crucial. Secrecy or negativity can turn the birth family into the bogey man, where as a positive spin will help give the adoptee confidence that his/her birth family would welcome the reunion.

I'm not saying a reunion needs all of these factors to succeed, but they do improve the odds. I also want to note that a reunion is work in progress, just like life, and that is why I come to this forum. I can continue to learn from other adoptees about the life my son has had to lead without giving him the 5th degree. I can also reciprocate by sharing some of my experiences over the last XX years as a parent, birthmom, foster mom to my niece and nephews, and zoo keeper LOL).

Trish