[crathke]

We have one bio son and included him nearly from the beginning in our adoption process. He decided the gender (because it truly didn't matter to DH and I whether we had another boy or a daughter instead). He went along with me when we took a "gift bag" to the agency to be sent to Guatemala. (he also gave the stuffed lion a hug for luck before we put it in the gift bag). He helped choose Aaron's name and picked his middle name all by himself (from a list we gave him so it wouldn't be something totally inappropriate!).

During the "waiting time", we talked about what it would be like to have a brother--that he wouldn't have Mom and Dad all to himself any more--that Aaron would Not step off the plane speaking perfect English or ready to play PlayStation, etc. We also visited a couple of photolistings before we accepted Aaron's referral so he could see what children from Guatemala looked like (and he was not impressed one way or the other; they "look like Alberto"--a Hispanic friend of his). We also checked out some websites that had photos of Guatemala so he could see what Aaron's "world" looked like; found Guatemala on the globe--talked about what the weather was "where Aaron is" on any given day, etc.

Just make certain that you balance the "won't it be fun to have a sister?" conversations with the "this is what could be Not So Fun" side. Nick was prepared for Aaron to get into his things, yell at the dinner table and take over 'his' spot on the couch in the family room--and I think his transition to "big brother" was made more smooth because he wasn't expecting a fairy tale experience.