Sspete,
As you know this is a topic high on my list of things I wonder about!!
I've read a lot of articles...."Why My Birthmom Won't Meet Me", among recent ones -- but it's just one of many....and none of them really seem to apply in my instance -- at least not completely.
I would have to assume that my birthmom, like many birthmom's of the 60's endured a lot of trauma during the time of her pregnancy and relinquishment. Heap that on top of the fact that she already lived a life of trauma to begin with, and it would stand to reason that memories from that particular part of her life are probably not something she cares to revisit. While I am sad about the fact that she wants no contact, realistically, I can understand her desire to just leave the past in the past.
She has other children who don't know about me....and a lot of "baggage" with them to deal with already.
I don't think there IS one "standard" reason as to why either side choses to deny contact.....I would assume it is as individual as the participants.
I hope your daughter knows one day what a wonderful woman you are.....your strength and compassion are such a bright light in the lives of so many -- including me!
Hugs,
Sally