[colin]

Rayma (and roxy)

Thank you for your attention and support.

Regarding the meds, i was only talking of my case and opinions. I was not and will never and not give advise regarding meds. I agree all the facts should be considered. I love how you included "along with your values, beleifs and personal experiences."

Rayma for this you have my respect. The latter are very important. I live in British Columbia which in my opinion must be a dumping ground for medical practicioners who cannot make it in real cities. I was placed on effexor, a disguised type of speed, after a twenty minute consultation. No checkup was scheduled, no real assesment was made.

I came across a pamphlet put out by the drug company and that is how i self diagnosed myself with depression, and what the &^% qualifies me to do that? The doctor wanted to sell the drug because the drug companies take them to lunch and ask them to do so.

I returned asking for a proper evaluation and was sent to see a psychaiatrist. Another twenty minute meeting in which OCD was the diagnosis and i was changed to fluvoxamine, the disguised Prozac.

This didn't settle well with the system, sure it made me feel better but as i described to her over the course of months, i was losing my shyness and beginning to stick up for my rights.

Sometimes it put me in a place where i would not take abuse from anyone and i would become extreemely verbal in my defences.

There were two major cases that had scared me. One with a puppy, it was a hot day and the door to the shared accomodation house was left open for circulation. The owner of the house had an eight month old puppy who wandered out to investigate a couple walking their dog. I heard screams from the lady " stop get away". The lady was in distress because her dog was barking at the puppy and the puppy wanted to play. They had every right to be upset, i ran out to get the puppy and as i approached she started kicking the puppy. Well the playful golden lab was accustomed to a bit of wrestling because the owners kids and them used to play all the time. It was nothing for him to dodge the kicks.

I could feel the seriousness of the crazed woman, perhaps she was on meds too or should be. She yelled at me ---their are leash laws ya know" and as i called and went into the kicks to retrieve the puppy the husband grabbed my shoulder and a kick connected with the pup.

I grabbed the pup and broke the grip and stood back. Before the meds i was so used to many forms of abuse and perhaps it had built up inside but i let it loose right now in the middle of all the excitement. I bellowed above the top of my lungs "Yes there are leash laws. There are also laws about kicking puppys and laws about assault. And it isn't even my *&^% dog.

I was surprised and sort of had an out of body experience not really behaving like i ordinarily would. I was asserting myself, wow it felt good. But at the expense of shouting my face off in a very quiet neighbourhood and looking the fool. I immediately returned to the house very embarrased.

I then told the shrink that i did not like the meds. told her of the incident, and how i was not mateur in my responses and was not in control of them. She said its ok, we'll just up the dose it probably didn't kick in yet. Stupid QUACK.

The Next event was at a sterio store where i was approached by a salesman and accused me of being rude to him because i didnot respond to his repeated greetings from twenty feet away. I thought for a flash then responded "No, you're *&^% rude accusing me of the same, oops" What a shock to me, I used to just think that stuff, i immediately left the store, Went to my appointment and the shrink upped the dose as she continued to dip her finger into a single pack of peanut butter.

Later that week i brough my teen cousins to an Eatons liquidation sale to shop. And my vocal display granted me a one way ticket into the backroom to be beaten and strangled unconscious by the friendly neighbourhood security staff.

To make a long story longer. I then returned to my safe shell and crashed into tears and howls in a fetal positioned childlike sob then healed my wounds and I went back to the shrink and told her that story. She once again wanted to up the dose. I fired her on the spot.

Weeks later i was persuaded to go to a mental health center where a team of medical staf would do a proper evaluation with visits over the course of a few week. I was diagnosed as Bipolar. And put on Lithium, a thyroid shreading, mood stabiliser.

I spent a year of scanning the net for info, reading books, support groups and self development classes. I saw many of the effects of these meds. Many bloat the body and shread internal organs and dull the mind to a glased existance. I could not trust that system of tools to my body. After a year of living in a fog and meeting a beautiful fellow self development student i said enough to the meds and counselling sessions.

I came across the book reality therapy and many more which did point towards physiological, and physical symptoms for imbalances in the needs of life, like a good relationship, and balance. I then used pot as a diversion when times were overwhelming as i continued my studies and practices.

Now i am off pot and would never recommend it's prolonged use.

But i do want to state that "ACCURATE KNOWLEDGE" is not communicated by medical staff and perhaps not even known by them. They are busy and these meds are new and very case specific. I found an american medical site which listed more research into the effects than the doctors here even were led to be aware of by the drug salespoeple. We were all shocked at the findings there.

Fluvoxamine, a prozac derivative, was never recommended for bipolars because it is only a Unipolar med to rise them out of depression. When a bipolar hits the up side energetic phase the fluvoxamine puts them over the top as was prooven with the hundreds of prozac cases.

So ACCURATE KNOWLEDGE to me means, only how the patient is feeling. Only the patient knows for sure. But are the damaging effects on the internal organs worth the short term gain? Not for me. Do not allow the written information put out by the product selling companies nor the influenced medical staff influence you into continuing on meds you feel inside are not working. If you have to fire them and seek someone who will listen to you then do it. You are worth it.

Thankyou for taking the time. It would mean alot to me if a short comment was made to validate me being heard. It is part of my therapudic process to be open and honest and not feel shame about the days i had experienced.

Colin