[reneetaylor]

KJlambers - This is long, so I apologize now!

I agree that grandparents matter to a child....BUT, I went through a similar situation when I divorced from my first husband of 10 yrs when our daughter was 2. He was abusive towards me and mentally unstable, and actually quit a great paying job to move in with his mother in a small trailer. During visits with him/them, our daughter was not kept clean, was not made to eat well, was not made to show manners, and basically left to run wild. Because of threats made against me, I did not pursue sole custody at that time. I planned on doing that when she entered Kindergarten, but it became a non-issue when her father got killed the summer that she turned 4 yrs old.

My ex's mother went over the deep end and started saying hateful things about me and making her son sound like a saint. This guy had gotten into a drunken fist fight with his brother which resulted in his death, so beleive me when I say that he was NOT a saint. Oh, and did I mention that it happened right in front of my daughter...with her screaming for them to stop fighting? I still get mad about it when I think about what my child must have witnessed!

Anyway, my ex mother-in-law sued me for visitation rights when I refused to allow her to continue the same visitation schedule that I had set up with her son. Well, duh! Of course she wasn't going to be keeping my daughter for days at a time and especially not at that house where my daughter witnessed her father being killed. I was open to visits on a neutral ground, but then when she kept talking badly about me and actually sued me, I decided to put an end to the visits. I could see that they were not helping my daughter deal with what she had been through, and if anything, they were making it harder on her.

So, that is the background info...now to the way the court saw things. I had since gotten married to a fantastic man and he decided to start adoption proceedings for my daughter. I mentioned this in court and was told that it made no difference whether he adopted her or not, because I was the sole parent and guardian of my daughter and short of me being viewed as unfit, then I had sole responsibility for determining who my daughter associated with or didn't associate with. The judge obviously felt sorry for the grandmother, but legally he could not force me to allow her visitation, so he ruled in my favor.

My daughter occasionally asks or makes comments about her grandmother, but I briefly explained how she talked ugly to me and that it has been my decision to not have them see each other, and she seems fine with it. When she is older I will explain in greater detail some of the things that occured which made me cease the visits, but for now she knows how things are and she is happy. She is 6 yrs old (today!) and a very bright and happy little girl.

There are so many cases out there which pertain to grandparent rights, that I would urge you to check the internet and find out what the laws are in your state and even in other areas. My attorney was pulling case files from all over the US and they all stated the same thing about sole survivor parenthood. YOU are the sole surviving parent, so YOU are responsible for your child's well-being. Whether your reasons for not allowing visits with her grandparents are valid or not, or whether you have allowed your husband to adopt your daughter or not, does not figure into the fact that you decide what your daughter is allowed to do until she is 18 yrs old.

Good luck! (sorry about the length of this post, but I hope it helps to relieve your mind!)


Renee