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Once the birthmother finds out you want to raise the child, she alone will determine the boundaries. IF she decides to stay in his (the child's) life as well, you will not be able to adopt him, yet she will have to pay child support. (You alson need to consider if you are prepared to co-parent with this woman if she decides that is what she wants) IF she is still willing to relinquish her rights, then you can adopt. I would imagine the decision of the birthfather to raise the child would change many of the decisions of the birthmother. Especially if you are in the same area. I agree with the advice about the paternity test. If she had an affair with your husband, she isn't an honest person. (That includes both parties, but I assume you are working on it on your end!) Love, Debi
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