|
Sabra,
I talked to my 19 year old daughter on the phone beginning in Jan 2003, we met face to face March 23.
To give you a little background, I agreed to what I thought was an "open adoption" back in 1983 and just took what I got for all those years. I ended up with a total of 7 pictures and 3 letters from her adoptive mother, finally she turned 18!!! I knew she opened her file. Her mother said that she was "too emotional" and was not ready to meet me, wait until after the holidays...then wait until after she graduates...then maybe this summer we can meet...well her 19th birthday rolled around again in November and I lost it! I had to find her. With some help from some search angels, I had her phone number and address within a month! (I waited again until after the holidays...but then I called)
Turned out that she wasn't too emotional to meet me...(What a relief!) she just doesn't talk to her parents much about adoption. She is very busy and really doesn't feel a strong need to know me yet. She stated that she just wants to take things slow. Unfortunately, my need to meet her was very strong! We set up a time during spring break to meet and she just about backed out...but didn't. It was very nice to see her and know that she is REAL! Those few hours were the most peace I have had in my life since she was born!
Now I am trying to back off and let her absorb. We had agreed prior to meeting that it was ok if I called once a week, but since we met...I haven't called and neither has she. I wrote her a short note telling her how wonderful it was to see her. I also sent an Easter card last week. The hard part now is waiting, and wondering what is going on with her.
She is still young and has lots of other things going on. I am trying to understand all of this. I hope that when I do call again, that we can continue to build on this relationship. I don't know what "slow" is...but I am doing my best to abide by it.
As for what do I find the easiest...to freely think and talk about her openly! So many years she was a quiet secret. What I find the hardest is not calling her all the time and making excuses to see her.
I hope to hear from others that are further along than I am. Maybe they can help me to avoid some of the pitfalls along the way if I can!
Great idea for a thread...Thank you Sabra!
Chris
|