[shirleyville]

Cindy,
I can certainly relate to your circumstances....and, your feelings. I petitioned a search for my own birthmom thru the state, and it ended up quite similar to your situation, although I was never able to speak directly with my birthmom -- the intermediary made contact on my behalf, and my birthmom was quick to make clear that she desired NO CONTACT.
I have since located my birth aunt, and while she wanted to respect the wishes of my mom and maintain no contact, she was able to understand my need for answered questions, so she put me in contact with my cousin --- who has been wonderfully generous for someone being thrust into this type of position.
Talking with my cousin, and learning the type of life my birthmom has had, has helped me immensely in understanding WHY she denied me contact.....and while understanding makes it easier in some respects, it is still SO hard. I've spoke with my cousin very frankly about things and she's pretty much laid it out on the table for me that my birthmom has no intention of ever changing her mind about any type of contact with me......but one of the hardest things in all of this is never actually HEARING IT from HER. The CI told me, the state told me, and my cousin told me.....and I completely understand that she wants no contact....I respect that she wants no contact......but as sad as it sounds, I just want to hear HER tell me. At least then, I would have heard her voice just once in my life. But that isn't going to be the way it works, apparently....and I have come to terms with it in many respects.
I want to caution you that what may appear to be "cold" in her way of treating you may not be that at all. I have learned of all kinds of pretty unpleasant things in my birthmom's present and past life...things that she is, in part, "protecting" me from -- but she is also protecting herself at the same time. It is really a two way street.......as hard as it is to wrap your head around........we, as adoptees DO have rights, but so do our moms. I exercised my "right" by reacing out to her, and she exercised hers by saying "no".
One of the ideas that someone gave me, here, is to write letters whenever I want to....to pick out pictures and things and stories that I want to share with her....and make a box to put them in. One day, things may change....who knows. If they don't, I will have a place in my "world" that will be hers and it will contain all of the things that I want to share with her.
Enjoy the realtionship you are going to build with your uncle.....but build slowly. If you are like me, I have to propensity to want to know everything RIGHT NOW, because I am so afraid it will be my one and only chance....that I will wake up tomorrow and it will have all "gone away"......but if you press to hard or try to cram too much in to the "moment", it can be too overwhelming to those members of our birthfamilies who have had little to no time to get used to this. We've had all of our lives to think about and prepare for such a reunion......but in my case, my cousin got it all thrust onto her in one day. I am still working on not pressing too hard.
If you ever need to chat, I am always around! I would welcome walking down this similar path with one who understands!
Hugs,
Sally