[dl]

Since you left your phone number with her, the "ball" is already in her court, so to speak. I would not send a letter or pictures. She told you that her husband and children don't know of your existance. Having a letter arrive that may be received or seen by husband and/or children may upset her more.

I would meet with buncle and see where things go. Although he currently does not have a relationship with bmother he will be able to share information about your bfamily with you. Perhaps he knows who your bfather is. You mentioned he was very nice, so I would go to dinner with only the expectation of having dinner with someone very nice. Where the relationship goes from there is impossible to predict. What his motivation is for meeting you is also impossible to guess, but I would not assume "sympathy".

"I feel like I can't move on with my life until I know exactly where she stands." It seems that she gave you a pretty good indication as to where she stands. Yes, it may be partially shock but it is probably more that she does not want husband and children to find out. I read once that when we search, we need to be prepared for anything. It is sad, but not all bmothers are longing for contact as many on the forum are longing. Also sad, that some adoptees when found by bparent do not want contact. Everyone is unique. Accept these are her feelings. She has your number if she changes her mind. Remember, it is not YOU the person that she is treating coldly. It is her fear that her secret will be discovered.