[CindyB]

I am an adoptee that has recently made contact with my birthfamily. It initially didn't go well. I would like your opinion on what I should do next.

Background info: 2 years ago, I petitioned the Department of Family Services (DFS) looking for info pertaining to my adoption. I was given a large packet explaining how my b-mom came to put me up for adoption as well as how she dealt with is physically and emotionally. This packet did not contain any identifying info. I was told I would only be given their names if they both gave their consent to do so. Consequently, DFS said they were unable to locate either b-parent. So, I registered here and was blessed with a searchangel who was able to find my birthmother and birthuncle.

Here is the problem: I tried to call b-mom and wasn't able to get through. She lives in Oregon and I live in Missouri. So, since I couldn't get her, I tried my birthuncle and got him. He was very nice and answered all of my questions and wants to meet my husband and I for dinner in a few weeks. I later reached b-mom and she totally freaked out. She was very concerned as to how I found her and said her husband and children don't know of my existence. I left my phone number with her in case she changed her mind. It's been 2 weeks and I've heard nothing. I wasn't looking for a mother/daughter relationship, but a new found friendship. I was lead to believe from the report DFS gave me, that she would be very receptive to knowing me. Boy was that wrong! I guess I'm having a hard time getting past the disbelief that she wants to sweep me under the rug. I'm not really hurt as much as disappointed. Also, I know if I was in her shoes, I'd be on the first plane to meet my child I had to let go of and graciously accept any kind of relationship that was offered. I guess she and I are not as much alike as I had thought.

Your opinion: So I can go on about my life with some closure, should I write her a letter telling her a little about my life and enclose a picture?? That would leave the "ball" in her court. I feel like I am in limbo always wondering if she'll change her mind. Although, I'm not holding my breath. I feel like I can't move on with my life until I know exactly where she stands. I know part of her reaction was due to shock, but I'd like to know why she is treating me so cold. I didn't pick her to be my mother, so why is she making me feel guilty for finding her??? If I can't have a relationship with her, I'd like one with birthuncle, consequently, he only lives 20 minutes from me. The other problem is that birthuncle hasn't spoken to my birthmother in 10 years...will he want to keep in touch with me or is this meeting just out of sympathy?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks
CindyB