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BobbyTC
My son's adoptive mother died before our reunion. Prior to her death she was very supportive of my son's search. She was his primary care giver as his mom and dad divorced when he was pretty young. I have visited his home town and met his extended family. I was nervous about their reception, but all went very well and I was made to feel welcome.
I think the reason our reunion is going as well as it has is because we haven't dwelled on the "what might have been's" and concentrated on what we can make of all the tommorrows we have left. I have also paid close attention to comments made by the adoptees on this website to gain as much insight as possible into areas he might find troubling.
My daughter did not know about her brother until our reunion. She is older than your girls (30), and lived enough herself to loose some of the idealism of youth so I'm sure the telling was easier. She was very happy about the news and they get along very well. They have actually elevated their relationship to the bickering level! LOL
Teenager's are alot more savy today than ever before. They expect to be treated like adults sooner, too. I would worry that if you kept something as important as the discovery of a new sibling from them, you could affect their trust in you. I'm sure given their age, you're trying to encourage open communication between all of you. The message it may send if they find out about your daughter on their own is that you're really asking only for a "one way" exchange.
Knowing their parents are fallible and human is not such a bad thing. Seeing their parents own up and take responsibility could be an invaluable lesson. Certainly showing them that you still care about your birth daughter all these years later will reinforce their confidence in your love for them.
Good Luck Bobby
Trish
P.S. Not to be morbid, but what if something should happen and they find out they had the opportunity to meet their sister and you and your wife decided it was in their best interest not too.
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