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Originally Posted By KSilber

Dear Winter,

How nice for you, your daughter and her birthparents to have such an open relationship. It sounds as though you are all off to a good start for a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship.

Visiting with a child’s birthparents every month is not an unusual arrangement during the first year. Some families maintain this level of contact throughout the child’s life, but more often the frequency diminishes somewhat.

I think visiting every 2-3 months is reasonable. Since you suggested every three months, and the birthparents requested every other month, you might want to get together every other month for the next six months, and then switch to four times a year.

Regarding the birthparents’ secrecy about your daughter, this, too, is not unusual. It is important that, as your daughter grows up, you help her understand that their secrecy is not about her but about their family. Also, continue to mention to the birthparents on occasion that you think it would be good to tell their family. We have worked with many birthparents who are fearful of telling their families, but everything turns out fine when they do. Some even tell their families many years after the adoption takes place. Your gentle encouragement may help them find the courage to do so someday.

Best wishes to all of you.

Regards,
Kathleen