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I am concerned about two topics. Our daughter is 11 months old now. Her birthparents have been coming to visit her every month since she was born. When our daughter was born her birthparents wanted us to sign a visitation agreement but we told them we could not do that since we didn't know how we would feel down the road but verbally agreed to let them visit our daughter every month (however we did say we were not sure about this much contact after the first year). We just recently told them that we would prefer changing our contact to every three months (as well as really frequent e-mails...as usual). I wonder how much contact is too much and does it seem reasonable to cut our contact down to every three months? They resonded to our request by asking if they could come every other month. We just feel like our family needs some space. When they come they just want to sit and hold her instead of normalizing our relationship...which brings me to my second question. They have hidden their entire pregnancy from family and friends (she really didn't even show). They have recently told us that they plan to keep our daughters existence a secret which concerns us a great deal. They want openess themselves but keeping her existence a secret from eveyone else makes us worried that our daughter might feel a sense of shame when she realizes this. Do you have any advice that we can best deal with this and some insight as to why her birthparents would want to do this?