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For me, as an amom, I WISH my boys' firstmoms would ask for things if they want them.
For my youngest son's firstmom, I'd ask every once in a while if she was happy with how things are going and if there's anything she felt she'd like to change, and mostly we hear "no, things are just fine". Then I'll hear from her mom that she would actually like this or that, and it frustrates me that I try to be open and she is too shy or scared to ask...
...so I take her out to lunch and corner her - lol...I told her that until she can feel comfortable enough talking to me about things, the OA would always be "fine" but not great...and that if there were things we couldn't do because of time constraints or whatever, we'd discuss it with her, and she should do the same with us.
Well, it's really made our relationship soo much better! She's more comfortable asking, and we are more comfortable in general, because it is more "honest", you know? And it DOES feel more like a relationship - and not so much like us "allowing" her things - more like we are all equals as opposed to her feeling we have all the "power" (this I got from her mom).
Anyway, it took 4 years for us to get to this point, and I know that all situations are different...but try to talk to your children's moms about your feelings - they may surprise you!
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