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The wording in our agreement was kept very open and puts us in controll. We don't have a set number of visits or cards per year. If the birthparents want to have contact with the children (and contact does not have to be in person, it can be letters, calls, pictures, etc.) they need to make arrangements with us in advance and we can decline as long as we have a resonable excuse and it's in the best interest of the children. We were advised to not get too specific as far as number of visits or letters per year unless it was something we were willing to live with until age 18, which, like you, is a long ways away. I definitly agree with the "out" clause or some kind of wording that puts you in control of the contact. 17 years is long time and a lot can happen.
I can also relate to the feeling of being pressured to agree to the wording even if you're not comfortable with it. We were in a similar situation where we felt like we had to agree so the birthparents would sign voluntary relinquishments so we wouldn't have to go to TPR and could wrap the case up faster. Basically, we were told the parents were willing to accept this agreement and sign relinquishments so just go along with it, and we were given almost no time to really think things through. From the lawyer, it seemed like, well, we're heading to court in an hour this is good wording so lets just all agree and get this over with.
I guess my advice is to really think about what you are willing to agree to and try not to settle if you think it's not in your FS's best interest. Don't let the birthparents controll the contact because if you adopt him, then you are his parents and you'll know what is best for him, not them. You've certainly been through a lot of ups and downs recently. The unknown and uncertainty is so hard. Sending you big hugs and hoping this all works out for you soon.
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