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these reunions do tend to bring out emotions you did not know were there, Imo during this time that you are not in contact with your b-mom maybe you could seek some counseling to help you through your pain so when and if the next time you ever do want to communicate with your b-mom you will have a better understanding of your emotions, be in a stronger place. and I'm just not sure if right now is the best time for another emotional reunion for you....will it just end up the same way? because of your pent up emotions. will you end up spilling all your emotions out to your b-father at how much your b-mother hurt you? will that be what your new relationship with your b-father will be based on? him against her,
her against you...you against her.....
everybody taking sides?
In a way this would be like going into a new relationship on the rebound, meaning...emotionally too soon. please consider getting some help with this, and please give yourself time to work through some of this.
IMO you just may need to come to terms with yourself and what is upsetting you., as right now you may need more time to mentally process things and deal with the emotional pain that you have not fully dealt with before moving on. you did not say what you got so upset with your b-mom about, but it sounds like she may be really hurting too and she may be hoping for you too calm down so you both can try again.
maybe what you said to her really hurt deep.
do you want her to hurt?
can you not send a little thinking of you card?
so she won't hurt so much?
maybe you both could do some reading about adoption/reunions, so you can both be more in control with a better understanding of each other as well as yourselves. there are many exellent books.
how long have you been in contact? everywhere I've read or heard it says to take reunions "very" slow so you can process all the different emotions along the way at your own pace in a healthy way. it just takes time, so take it slow. people can say things while they are emotionally distraught that they do not really mean, please try to take this time to gain control for your own sake as well as theirs. just slow things down for awhile. take a deep breath....
some reunions just have to steer away from the emotional part of their relationship for awhile.
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