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dpen6
My point simply is: an adoptee or anyone for that matter has a right to make a choice on their "own" on whether or not to have contact with a someone...... from age 18 on.
don't read anything more into what has been said please.
These choices should not be made "for them" anymore
"from this point on" not behind their back,
or "in their best interest" they now should be able to decide who they want to date, who their friends will be and what subjects they will take when they go to college........
and especially if they want to have contact with a birthparent or not.
if they "ask" for advice then give it, but when they make their choice, respect it. don't try to influence them because of your own fears or try to emotionally control them.
the younger years when they were being raised is when you are to be teaching them how to make mature choices, so now be proud of them, trust them and allow them to make them on their own.
and when they have made their choice, respect it, whether its; yes, I am ready... or no I'm not at this time. just allow them now to make the decision for themselves.
We were "all" 18 once...and many of us now have raised adult kids, everyone is unigue and have different strenghths and weaknesses in different places and at different points in our lives, but the key is to respect our kids enough to allow them to make their own choices, and yes sometimes they may make a mistake...but we must not try to control their lives because "we" want to make their choices for them... as there will most likely be silent resentment from them about that, and only heartache for the one that did not respect them enough to give them that right.
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