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my daughters adoption is open open as it gets. thats how i had to have it. i see her every week, get alone visits and family visits, and her parents babysit my ds for me sometimes. i love it. we are only 1 year in, bu so far so good. what makes it all possible was how TRUSTING her parents are. i nursed her when i saw her untill she was 5 months old. i was able to see her alone and do whatever i wanted (we took lots of naps in those early days!) without feeling like they were breathing down my neck.
we definately do holidays together and day trips and such. they really validate my role in her life and are never jealous or possesive.
ever birthmom is different. obviously if i were hard to deal with this wouldnt be as easy. it all depends what kind of birthmom you get as to how much you can expect. one thing i think for sure is that you hold out for a b mom that wants what you do because it is such a sweet and amazing relationship to have in your life. good luck!
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happy student mama to ds  (2-9-05) and birthmom to big girl  (5-8-07) who was placed in an open adoption and my lost son (6-16-98) who is in a closed adoption. 
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