[dakota]

Originally Posted by dakota

Well kiddo, I can tell you from experience that Pandora's Box can definitely be closed and it's the Birthmom's responsibility to let it be closed-not yours. Your responsibility in all of this is non-existent. Your right - you did not do any of it - that's why she has to close it.

I know this myself, because I was contacted by a young lady who wanted to find her birthmom. She found my thread in this forum and emailed me. We talked on the telephone, I sent her pictures through email and even agreed to take a DNA test, merely based on certain circumstances that came out during our brief conversation and emails.

The next day she left me a voice mail on my telephone and stated she had thought about the situation and had decided she was not ready to find her birthmom.

I was devastated as I have searched for her online since the early 80's. So, even though I was tormented by this telephone call, I immediately sent her an email and advised her that I respected her wishes and would not make any attempts to contact her in the future.

I totally respected her wishes and am moving on with my life. If she was my birth-child, then I hope she got the information she was looking for. If she wasn't, then I hope one day she does find her real birth-mom and gives herself a chance to be an adult and have some kind of relationship with her birth-mom, if she chooses.

But on that note, I want to say this "If adoptees really don't want a relationship or reunion with your birth-moms - then leave them alone".

It's just as hard for us birth-moms to deal with our own issues as it is for adoptees to deal with the unfortunate truths they learn as adults. We are human too and we also have feelings. Having said that, I do want to add that I would never "force" myself on anyone that didn't want my love, care and concern in return. I am an adult and I was brought up to act like one.

Birth-moms don't have time to play games or ride anybody else's roller-coaster. You definitely sound bitter in your thread and for that reason alone, you need to stop all contact with your birth-mom. Your only hurting her and your right, that's not your fault. But leading her on in any way, whether it be a birthday or Christmas, etc., is enough to get her hopes up for more.

I hope you understand what I am trying to get across. As a birth-mom, I can see both sides of your dilema.

The young lady that contacted me advised me that her adoptive mom doesn't want her searching for her birth-mom. But for whatever reason she chose to "back out" doesn't even matter. I am respecting her wishes.

Your birth-mom should do the same by you and close that Pandora's box for both of you.

Take care of YOU - as "ONLY YOU CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY".

Sincerely,
Dakota (Nanna)

It should be noted that "Dakota" is not in any way able to help anyone search for anybody. I am getting emails from this thread because of my post and it's Lisa Brown that is offering the search help. Email her if you don't mind. I'm still searching myself.
Thanks