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I am not in your shoes and will not pretend that I understand what you are going through. I do, however, know and am rather close to 2 people who are in your shoes. They were both left on doorsteps at orphanages. They were both adopted by an American family. They both had lousy childhoods, just like the bio kids in the family did.
I know it has affected each of them differently. I can't really tell you how much of it is being adopted or how much was being raised by our parents.
I've always thought my sisters were very much loved by their first families. I don't know their stories and neither do they, but this is what I personally choose to believe, as does at least one of my sisters. i believe their parents were not able to care for them. I believe they loved them enough that they left them where they would be found, and where they would be taken care of. I believe if they weren't wanted or loved, they would not have left them on a door step, but in a dumpster somewhere.
You can choose to believe what you want to. As for my oldest sister and I, we choose have always believed the above about her and my other sister, too. They were left on 2 different orphanages (they are not bio sisters). One was older and she is, btw, the one who chooses to believe she was loved.
My other sister feels she wasn't wanted, but does not express a whole lot of anger about it. She works 80 hours a week and I do wonder how much of it stems from all of this.
I hope you are able to find some peace.
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