[Oceans]

I am REALLY struggling with Mother’s Day this year. For the first time, I have a face and a name. Not only that, I have an email out there that he’s not answering and seems to be uninterested (not checking out my MS page etc.). For the past 26 years, Mother’s Day was a day I could spend time remembering him, believing he was thinking of me (if only a little bit)…. indulging in the adoption fantasy.

This year I’m facing reality and quite frankly it is making me sick to my stomach – This is shaping up to be a really HARD week. I want to run away…. but instead I'll be spending it with J’s mom, eating brunch and pretending I’m happy to be there…. Not to mention calling my own Mom and rehashing what little I know of my son.

I want to throw up….