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Originally Posted by Jackiejdajda
r0ller
This must be hard.. You seem to be caught in the middle.. My husband had some hard times when I reunited with my bson..
Roller could you please post some more on how you are feeling on terms of the reunion and your 'no say' in it?
I think its an important message to be on these boards.. we do not hear from many husbands of someone reuniting..
Jackie
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Well, it seems I'm feeling a lot things that are normally felt by the adoptee/birth parents/adoptive parents.
I like my wife's adoptive mother. I consider her my mother-in-law, and feel very fortunate that I get along so well with her. I don't need or want another mother-in-law, yet that seems to be what is being pushed on me.
This feeling seems to be the same when a birth family member is too pushy and wants to play a larger part in the adoptee's life. The adoptee has needs/wants that are being met by the adoptive family, and has no desire to have a birth family member assume that role.
I like my mother/father/brother in-law, and don't want or need any additions to that group.
As far as new developments in this saga, I sent the birth mother a note last night, and said plainly that I would agree to have her and the birth family over for the activities, but it was strictly for my son's and wife's sake. It was not the start of a reconciliation process or a "get to know you" session. I still had serious problems with the way she lived her life and the fact that she was a role model for my children.
She didn't think very much of it and sent a note to my wife. My wife asked to see what I had sent, so I gave her a copy, and she said it was very rude of me to have been so blunt.
I had worked on the note for three days trying to be as diplomatic as possible while still making sure that my position was clear. I think the problem was the I actually had the nerve to tell her that I had a problem with her at all.
I have not recieved a return email or phone call, so I guess I'll just wait.