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curiosity...i have tried to have a good convo with the amom, but it always ends up backfiring on me. She hates that this can of worms got opened and that she can't just simply put the lid back on it. My daughter feels like she is ready for this...which some people on this board dont seem to understand. It is the amom that is not ready, and I just dont think I can sway her. I amnot even sure at this point it is worth trying. My daughter is 18 an adult now, if she wants to come bad enough she will stand up to her amom and tell her that. Am I afraid that we she won't or can't? of course but I also know I can not and will not do this for her. She wants me to treat her like and adult, and so she must show the actions of an adult. she has to fight that battle on her own...she can't expect her mommy to rush in and save her from her other mommy. Only she can that, she has a rocky relationship with her amom at best. The amom is a right fighter and she is a no holds bar type person. I can't go up against her and quite frankly I just dont want to. Everytime I have tried to talk to her and tell her where I am coming from it becomes a tremendous war. I am not a born fighter...I am a peacemaker...so it is not that I don't love my daughter bc I dearly do. But she has to do this on her own, and I guess I hae made peace with the fact that if it is important enough for her she will do it... and if it isn't then she won't. And if she doesn't then I will accept that (yes it will hurt) is her choice and I will just continue to do what I am doing which is to be there for her when she needs me. But I do hope in the end that if she makes the choice to not come that she is adult enough in her emotions to understand that the consequences are going to be great. She is the one that will ahve to live and deal with the idea of me and my family being only 10 miles away from her for 14 days, and her not having very much or no interaction with me at all. those are going to be the consequences of her choice, and to be honest that is just the way it has to be. My husband won't give and frankly I totally understand his point, and if she isnt ready to stand up to her amom then I am in a corner that I have to live with. So you see this is not just about the adoptee getting her way or my husband getting his way. this is about trying to bring an entire family together without someone getting hurt. My husband has stated his case to my bdaughter, and she says that she completely understands and that she will talk to the amom. So I will wait to see what comes next...what else can I do. I am caught in the middle between my bdaughter that I love and my husband and other children that I love, and truly I am so confused now that I am not even sure I know what the right thing is. Because of that I have just decided that it is time for me to take a step back and allow the cards to fall. Once they fall then I will figure out what needs to be done to pick up the pieces and see if there is even a full deck anymore. I hope I made sense in this post bc I really felt like I ws rambling, but at this stage I am just numb, confused, and hate what has to happen.
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