[lynn0614]

Yes I think it is normal for adoptees to push people away, but I don't know that this behavior is unique to this group. As an adoptee, I know that I push, test, etc. It is all unconscious, but the point is to get people to hurry up and leave, when I'm ready, not to pull the rug out from under me. I've been doing this for ages. And usually I have been the one to leave, everything, before it gets too bad. The truth is, I feel scared that it is going to happen so I obsess, look for problems, cause problems, fights, etc and see what happens. The thing is, I've been the one to leave. I've not held jobs too long. I flip flop from one thing to another. I don't know if it is just my personality or what. I'm sure it is a combination of things. I think one of the best ways to help is to understand that this isn't about you. The testing is what your partner does. If you confront and argue, he will get the distance he tries to create. If instead you go to him, hug him, and tell him you love him, he is safe, and you aren't going anywhere, no matter how hard he pushes, with time, he may calm down. There are some great books about getting love and receiving love that may help. They offer exercises that require that you both look at your pasts and share. I hope this helps. Looking for help shows that you love him. Just be patient, if you can. Good Luck!