[Isabo]

Originally Posted by crick

If my kids were okay with me giving out that info/pics then I would have no issue giving the bparent an update.
While I don't legally have an obligation, I do feel a moral obligation to do that and I would. Call it a common courtesy. If my kids were not okay with it, I'd at least give general information and let the bparent know that at this time, the child is not okay with it. Would I give any reason as to WHY? I don't know...depends on what the reason is. I'm pretty protective of my kids' privacy, so that's something I would honor and it would come before my moral obligation I might feel towards their bparents.

I liken it to adoptees requesting medical information or general info (say, bdad's name etc.) from bparent. I feel the bparents who say "No, this is my info and it's my secret and it's my business, go away" are in the wrong and have a moral obligation to provide that information requested.

Crick,

You stated that you felt that there are exceptions that trump what you feel is a moral obligation to update your children's first parents (the exception is your child's wishes to not provide an update). Do you think there are acceptable exceptions that trump a first parent's moral obligation to provide information to an adoptee? I'm just wondering. I haven't thought of any myself, except that I am getting very tired of being alternately treated like family and then treated like a biological resource only, when my son decides to have very dramatic issues.

I hope I haven't misquoted you - I thought it was a worthwhile topic to explore, as I am struggling with that right now.