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Do you consider your reunion to be a success?
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Yes - an outstanding success for me.
I went on to have a good life, a fantastic family but......he was always missing - questions unknown and a heartfelt loss. Now I know him - who he is and what I missed. He tells me he can now be himself - he wasn't sure who that was for 33 years.
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How do you describe your relationship with your birth child?
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Safe and sound
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What has been the most diffcult for you as you develop your relationship?
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Understanding the emotional complications and accepting the reunion was real and enduring.
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How long have you been in reunion?
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Over 7 years now. 2001
Short version - He found me and wrote a letter asking for contact and possibly a relationship. I answered immediately saying I was delighted and always hoped he would want to know where he came from. I gave him basic information (bfather's name, length of relationship, his birth story)
We sent letters back and forth for 3 months. We then had phone conversations and e-mail. At 6 months we actually met and by then we had a fairly good impression of who the other was. It was a very slow reunion. I wanted to run at it full speed. He wanted to take it slow. We went at his pace until we found a rhythm that suited us both.
We have limited contact because of distance
(he lives in another country) but we have made a point of seeing each other in approx 6 month visits. Originally I flew to him, but he has more access to his 1/2 siblings if he comes my way.
We speak to each other twice or three times a month. We both feel the bond that ties us, and like the relationship we have developed. Sometimes I come on too heavy and he tells me to "chill out".
Other times he gets "snakey" and I tell him to "build a bridge" and walk over it.
After our first argument I realised that each of us had differing opinions, & could make outlandish statements, be petty,
and be unreasonable yet we were still connected and solidly committed to each other.....at ease and trusting the other to always be there.
I love his open arms and firm hug when we haven't seen each other for a few months. I remember well the days when I couldn't even conjure up his infant face, and I would wonder if he was alive and healthy. To know and to love this beautiful young man is truly one of life's blessings. His presense in my life allows me to be whole.
Ann
PS.......After 5 years of reunion he accepted that adoption had a marked effect on his life and he found real strength in discovering the voice of his "inner child". Without that work, I doubt our reunion would be as secure so.......... there are many layers to a reunion and each needs to be peeled back - in it's right time - and with a gentle touch. It can't be hurried!!!!!
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