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Doesn't anyone see what I am trying to say/ Isabo, you say that your son's realtiosnship was affected by his amother it affected both your realtionship with him and his realtionship with his amother. so where does tht leave him. With nothing,,,why because both of his mothers were unable to see it for what is was. A person who wa taken out of his bio family , put in another then fought over. so now he is left with nothing. GREAT!
As faras me not understanding about theraised children..of course I do. But the affect on raised children does not compare to what is going on with the adopted child. The raised children will only have one mother to deal with, the raised children don't have to deal with their mothers fighting over them. The raised children will alwys be confident of their real place in the family. The adopted child has lost their biological family. No matter what they can not regain what they have lost. their childhood waspainted buy the mothers in their lives when they were vunerable infants. Even if they do find biofamily childhood memroies are with another family. the adoptive family is what holds this childs memories, experiances and attitudes. That can never change no matter how much the iofamily wants them in their family. The very important building blocks of childhood is gone and never to b regained.
If in fact you want to protect your raised children(from waht?) then give your placed child a brreak to gain some maturity and confidence to make her own decsions.
If you don't want your vacation marred by this placed child then don't meet up with her. If she can not come to you for whatever reason, she is blamming her mother, maybe thats an excuse? The it will have to wait.
It doesn't matter who made the contact..she is still very young and the mature adults should be understanding that.
Its terrible that you were told she was killed, it must have been awful and quite a shock but that has no bearing on today for her. She didn't tell you that.
If you really feel that she is crawling out of the woodwork...you mean like an insect?.....then maybe you are not ready to give her the respect she deserves.
Everything I have read here about reunion is the effect it is having on the mothers.
Isbo you are saying that husband is protecting other children from amom's manipulations/ How? It sounds like to me he is protecting his family from the young adoptee......
I still stand by the fact that in order to protect this young girl, even if her amother is evil and manipulitive, someone needs to be the bigger person and do what is needed to protect her. Back off, don't tell her what to do..tell her she needs to do what is best for herand what will make her feel the most comfortable.
I don't want anyone to feel attacked. I am sorry if you felt that way. But the subtle putdowns of adoptees is avery common thread in all situations I have come to read. I am certianly of the mindset that respect needs to be shown in all situations and as an adoptee most of us are real good at understanding everyone elses needs, even when it hurts us to the core.
When someone is stuck in the middle and no one is looking out for her needs...she is definetly being played pawn even if if it si not being seen by those that are doing it. Even when it is unintentional.
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