|
most states' adoption laws reflect a preference to place the reliquished child with PAPs whose religious beliefs match the natural mothers, or at least provide for the natural mother's right to seek such a preference....it's not discriminatory per se, and these statutes generally have an "if possible" clause, recognizing that the religious question shouldn't make it impossible to place the child....of course, social workers are humans, with preconceptions and prejudices as all humans do, and they are charged with determining the best interest of the children in their care, which duty the majority take with appropriate seriousness (though there are unethical workers throughout this industry, even in licensed and accredited agencies, more concerned with "making a sale" than with doing what's best for each individual potential triad) so it is wise to be discreet when discussing religion with these agencies and their representatives. words like pagan, witchcraft, wicca, will inevitably conjure up all the negative images we've fought for so long to combat for many of these social workers, unless you're dealing with an individual who personally knows someone of our faith. get a sense of the person you're dealing with before you delve into your own religious background if you're looking to be an adoptive parent; asking questions about the religious backgrounds of the birthparents of the children that have been relinquished for adoption may give you some insight into the social worker's level of tolerance for beliefs outside the mainstream. if and when you are called upon to describe your religious affiliation, it may be wise to avoid the hot-button words in favour of a more descriptive approach, framing it in relation to native american practices, shamanism, and the like. avoid references to magick and spellwork, or anything with occult undertones.
remember, however much it may seem discriminatory, this is not the ideal time nor place to make a stand for religious rights. your goal is to pass an agency homestudy in order to provide a home and a loving family for a child in their charge.
a natural mother who is conseidering relinquishing her child for adoption is in a much more secure position at this stage, so long as she makes herself VERY aware of her rights. make VERY certain of what your state's laws are regarding consent to adoption, the revocation of consent period, and statutes of limitations to challenging the adoption in court. remember, YOU are this child's ONLY mother right up until that final decree of adoption is issued by the court, and you will STILL be this child's mother after this child has acquired TWO sets of parents. just because the legal relationship is terminated, does not mean that biological and spiritual bond between mother and child has been severed. whether you have a personal relationship with this child or not from this day forward, you will always be connected. you have the right to choose to raise this child yourself at any time up to the expiration of the revocation period, and you have the right only to work with an agency that will respect your religion and your wishes as to the religion of the PAPs. you have the right to insist on an open adoption, with as much or as little contact as you wish--and you should always err on the side of asking for more contact than less; if you change your mind about how much contact you want post-decree, it will be many times easier to have less contact than more.
|