[fishingwerks]

I am 30 years old, have been married to a wonderful woman, who is a better person than I am for about 8 years now. We have one child who is the apple of my eye. In an effort to follow what we felt that God was calling us to do (and my wife's passion) we adopted a routy deaf girl from china. It has been about a year, and I am so sad/frustrated/depressed/angry at myself and our situation. I am going to be blunt in such a way that I never would say out loud, in hopes of getting good advice: I HATE the situation. Our adopted child is waaaayyy more than I can handle. I hate having to come home because she is always there, being loud, hyper, disobeying, throwing fits, etc.

Yup - you guessed it, I am an absolutely horrible wretch of a person. I am trying to stay focused on the fact that God called us to this, but I would be lying if I said I would have still gone through with the adoption at all if I knew then what I know now. I just hate this. I hate it so much. I wake up, she is making noises. At meals, she is there, disobeying and being loud.

It has zapped me from wanting to spend any time with even my own bio child. My wife is experiencing agony, but nothing ... NOTHING like I am. She is happy with our decision ... I am NOT. My safe haven - my home - is only safe when they are gone, it seems.

Wow, I seem like a wuss and sorry excuse for a man. I know this ... please do not state the obvious if you intend to reply.

I can't imagine what our adopted child would be going through if we didn't "save" her from the orphanage, but man i'm just so drained and i cannot find anyway to energize myself.

What I am looking for is some advice and help on how to cope, how to deal. It is very dark where I am right now, and seems to only get darker. God bless you all who are willing to help. I look very forward to hearing from you all!!!!!!!!