[JJinSanDiego]

Hi Missy,

I like you, believed my BMom wanted nothing to do with me - of course my AMom did a number on me by insinuating I'd ruin her life if I ever went looking for her - that she wanted to forget me.

I did go looking for BMom when I was 47. Unfortunately, when I found her she had already been dead for two years. But my half-brother told me she was always hoping I would find her (there was no WAY she would have gone looking because she was told to FORGET - they fed our Moms a boatload of lies back in the day!). My brother said she was hoping I would find her but was also terrified (afraid I would ream her out for giving me away) My half-brother's Dad told me that my BMom would cry and cry about her little girl being taken away from her. I also talked to a friend of BMom's - she was still talking about me into her sixties and was very sad about losing me.

All of this to say, we don't really KNOW how our Moms feel and are doing until we hear from THEM. My AMom (and probably my own self-protection) told me she would not want anything to do with me. I learned that was not the truth at all. I think a part of her remained that frightened 17 year old gal that found herself in a socially BAD situation. She WOULD have kept me if she could and she WOULD have come looking for me if she could - I say, give your BMom some time. It will take her a bit to find her way out from all of the lies she has been told and to discover her own heart with regards to you. Reaching out to you may be going against everything ever told to her.

I know the wait is agonizing (I'm living through my own awful wait atm). But keep coming here and venting - it really does help. Especially since those of us here, "get it".

Hugs to you . . . JJ