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Not everyone in the beginning stages of their adoption journey knows the PC way of saying things
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i think we also have to remember that some of us who are well past the beginning stages also make mistakes...and that alot of times the things we say are not said to be hurtful or degrading, but really there are alot of rules in adoption...sometimes it is hard to remember them all or be up on all the latest terms. sometimes we just slip up, other times different people like different terms. it is alot to keep straight. i think what is helpful to me, is when someone pm's me and says, "hey, just so you know, the pc term is "whatever"...not everyone uses it, but it seems to be preferred. i thought you'd just like to know." however, i also acknowledge that won't work for everyone.
i know i am SO guilty of the birthmom/firstmom label before TPR...but honestly, this is not something you learn in adoption class...it is something you learn from firstparents. i learned it bc a firstmom here took the time to explain it to me....and still, sometimes i forget. ok, alot of times i forget.
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I am sad that some people take such offense to others opinions and true heartfelt desire to get rid of the stereotypes and mistaken words.
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you have every right to be sad about this. you know, i never thought about it like that before. i am sure that you want to get rid of the wrong word used for Expectant moms like i want to stop hearing people ask if these are my "real" children or if i have any of "my own." i know the people who say these things to me are just as ignorant as i am...just in a different subject. there are times that i will educate, and there are times that i get mad. but i guess in the end, i agree we all have the same goal:
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We need to be united instead of fighting amongst ourselves, I truly think we are working toward the same goal, the best interest of the children!
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just today someone asked me loudly in target if when i adopted my middle son (who is nearly 5, and was present) if he "was free." i was floored at the lack of education this person had....especially when i turned to see it was my own 14 year old adopted son. i literally had to explain to him why that was not such a nice conversation to be having. so sometimes, even those of us in the trenches, need a swift kick in the pants when we stop thinking for a minute.
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I'm proud to say, I do not know it all.
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me too!