[JJemail1]

bettynme,

Bless you for being so in-tune with the child's interests. A meeting like this will be very exciting for an 8-year-old who knows perfectly well what adoption is and what meetings like this could mean for his or her future.

At one point we were going to meet a 3 year old boy but after careful investigation and contemplation we decided not to move forward before the visit occured (mostly timing related--they needed an immediate placement and we needed a bit more time to move into our new home, etc.). Anyway, the caseworker thanked me for deciding sooner rather than later because the little boy had already been to meetings where families decided not to take him for one reason or another after the boy had been on 2 hour drives to their home, etc.

I would say save the meeting for when you are all but certain this is the child for you. If after the meeting, you find the child isn't the fit you thought s/he may be, you can have peace of mind that you did everything possible before hand to make your decision. It's so hard to know in one visit--kids never act themselves with strangers. Maybe there's a way to go out to dinner or ice cream with the foster parent, child and caseworker...something casual and fun and not so intimidating but still an opportunity to get to know the child as visiting "friends" instead of "potential parents". In my experience, DYFS was much more flexible with meetings for adoptable children. It wasn't as standardized as foster care.

Best wishes,
Jennifer