I did the same. I detached myself from the baby. When he was born i didn't see him or hold him.
I waited until 3 weeks later and I went and saw the baby, held him and made the best decision I could. I gave him to a family who loves him more then anything.
It is a HARD choice.
Please email me if you have any quesions or need to talk.
siobhan_ontario@hotmail.com