Jackie, I know you're right about the addiction. I really am feeling that.
Although it's not the same as an alcohol addiction, I remember when I quit drinking how I always wanted to go pick up a beer or other drink when I got depressed. It was horrible to quit but it was right to quit.
Same thing when I quit smoking. It was harder to quit smoking than to quit drinking though I gotta say.
I quit drinking almost 5 years ago. It was on June 5th 2003 I took my last drink. It was January 27, 2002 I took my last smoke. But whenever I get really angry or really depressed the first thing I think about is picking up a beer or something else and get drunk. Or pick up a smoke and smoke myself to death.
The urges haven't completely gone away and from what I understand, they will NEVER completely go away. That sucks.
I just hope the urge to contact my daughter goes away someday. I used to pray before we met that God would konk me on the head or something so I could forget I had a daughter so I wouldn't hurt so much because we weren't ever going to meet. Now frequently I pray for the same thing so I can get away from the pain this is causing. BUT it isn't being taken away from me. I still remember. I still hurt.
BUT I'm not "picking up that figurative drink or smoke" to contact her. I'm not going to do that to myself. I just hope I get past the hard part soon.
Rylee