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Hi, I have been on a roller coaster reunion for 2 years. I only have one bfamily member who has given me any difficulty, lots of drama, lying, name calling, anger, jealousy etc, my bsister. She would not talk to me for about 4 months, basically all winter.
I know what she does, I know when she is lying, I know when she is manipulating, I know when she is avoiding conflict. I have learned to roll with this as best I can, let her be the crazy woman she is and let it go.
Mys husband has been on the same ride, just beside me, watching me go through so many emotions, once I cried so hard I left mascara on his shirt, along with a lot of tears.
The one thing he has not told me is that I have to choose between her or him. As much as she drives everyone crazy, he has never felt he needed to do that.
Now I know the issues are different, you are having trouble with, what sounds like some very important character issues that you don't want to be involved with or even want to know etc. Is there a middle ground for you two?
I have a feeling that your wife is feeling a little abandoned by you, and please don't take that the wrong way. Adoptees are hyper sensitive to that.
I don't trust anyone, not even my husband. Maybe she feels she can't trust you? Maybe trying to maintain the relationship with her bmom is draining to the point she is angry that she has to work harder on her marriage? She may be feeling resentful because you are not supportive of her relationship with bmom?
I guess the key things I would look at are: Rejection, Abandonment, Mis trust, the need to know who you are and where you come from.
I hope you don't take anything negative from this, I am only trying to think of what questions may help.
Good luck, this is a difficult thing to get through.
Deb
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