[BethanyB]

Vogi, I too loved your post and totally agree with it.

Here is what I am hearing from some people. We are a big bunch of meanies who want nothing but to make you feel miserable. That we find joy in trying to make you feel like racist and nothing more. That we are judging you.

Why do you think that people like that would set out to do that to perfect strangers?

We keep hearing how it's about the children and you are worried for THEM. Then on the other hand all we hear about are your PERSONAL choices and how you should get to do whatever makes you happy. So which is it?

It can't be both.

ALL of the issues facing this argument have been laid out and yet we have not had anyone not open to full AA take them on and speak on them.

Does anyone want to discuss the reality of the situation and talk about why AA kids are the lowest priced adoptions out there? Does anyone want to talk about why many agencies don't allow people to only choose biracial and not be open to full AA? Does anyone want to discuss how people will adopt FULL HISPANIC kids, FULL ASIAN kids and yet will not adopt a FULL BLACK KID?! Please, please, please...for all of us horrible judging people over here. Inquiring minds want to know.

When you adopt a child, you cannot guarentee that a child will look like you, even if you are the same race. Why don't people who adopt from Guatamala worry about their child not connecting to them because their bio parents are not white? People only ever worry about it when the kid is black.

Watch the news people. Only black men can be shot and killed 50 times by police and not faces charges. Black people are discriminated in the work place and have to work three times as hard to get to the same level as a succesful white man. People with lighter skin are viewed as less dangerous and more approachable in many, many studies.

But from what all of you are saying, adoption is the only part of America where racism does not exist. Okay.

When I told family and friends that I was adopting and that is would most likely be a black child the response was often, "Oh, well why don't you adopt one of those cute little Asian babies."

I had a friend (A FRIEND) comment one day that I would be the minority at a local theme park. When I asked who the majority was I was told, "African Americans - unfortunately"

I went to a party one night with coworkers and one of told me her son put Little People on a Little People bus but took the black child off and said monkeys don't go on buses. Then she laughed her head off in front of a group of other teachers. TEACHERS!!!!

At a school holiday event, my students got to go down and purchase gifts for them and their families. I had a parent who worked there tell a little white girl that she could not buy a little black angel. When I questioned her she looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Well that doll is BLACK."

NONE of these people believe they are racists. None of them. I went into the bathroom and cried at the party where a girl I had known for years made that remark in front of everyone and then laughed. She thought it was funny that her son thought a black doll was a monkey. She wrote me a letter saying how she was not like that and the whole thing. If your not like that, you don't say these things.

So while your calling us a big bunch of meanies and not even confronting the issues, why don't you think of those few examples I gave you of what my kids have to deal with. There are a ton more if you want to PM and hear just how bad it gets.

I totally believe people are trying to distance themselves from even calling their child black. And you can call me whatever judgemental names you want but these are my experiences and my kids mean more than anything in the world to me.

If adoption agencies have the rule that it's the AA/biracial program or nothing there must be a reason right? Well their reasons are the very ones listed here.

It's not about you. Adoption is about the child. And the child's feelings, self esteem and happiness are what is important. That comes before any personal choice in my book.

So please go find that happy place. I think though, that once your child starts experiencing some of this, you may be back. Wanting support for the moments that are not so sunny. And they will come. When you deal with a complex issue such as race, your not always going to get happy sunny answers.