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My only concern for you, Jennasmom, is that right now your biological daughter is going through a VERY hard time in her life. I was 18 a mere 5 years ago, and I remember how tough it was - that pull between being an adult and a teenager, that kind of thing. To top it all off, your bio-daughter is experiencing her parent's divorce, and that has to be emotionally draining, especially since her parent's are so seemingly wrapped up in their new lives and maybe neglecting their daughter.
That being said - my thought is perhaps J is desperately seeking love, affection, etc. that she is not getting right now from her parent's, and I know that it would hurt you immensely to later discover that J no longer feels like she "needs" to maintain her relationship with you, you know? I am not trying to be pessimistic - just realistic.
I agree that you do not owe her mom anything except respect...and that you should take the high road and avoid a verbal confrontation. I also agree that it is a good idea to be patient and take things slow - or as they come - because J is still young. When I was 18, I would never have been ready for reunion, even if I thought I was...and now I'm almost 24 and probably still not ready for it!
As an adoptee, though, it makes me feel good to hear your story.
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If we cannot find happiness within ourselves, it does not make much sense to look outwards - Anonymous
PEACE: it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart - Unknown
Never, never, never, never give up - Winston Churchill
Baby girl born 7/25/1984 in Upstate NY.
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