[rainmon]

Imo, pull-backs and disengagements are being severely abused and are being used by too many people to play mind games, manipulate and/or punish, or hurt the other. I just don't know why the books just throw these options out there, like its just something thats alright to do any old time if you don't get your way or if your feelings get hurt about something or other. they should really clarifiy that this is only to be done in only certain extreme cases, when all other types of open communications fail in some way, and it is totally a "last" resort option.
just cutting someone off for little reason and with no explanation is cruel, selfish, and self-centered,
it can make the recipient of it very dispondent & even suicidal if they are not strong enough to make it through the overwhelming pain of rejection on their own or if they don't seek counseling for it for one reason or another, or if they are not able to find this forum or others like it for help.
They can just keep sinking further and further into depression....and especially if they were having a hard time coping with their life even before reunion. you just don't know what they have already been through in their lives, or how this may effect them.
but I also think that if "strong open communication" is used to allow each person to have space and relief when they need it, when things get way too overwhelming, is also the key....but please don't just leave someone hanging....don't make them think they did something wrong for weeks or months on end.
tell them it's "you" that "You" are having a hard time coping right now and need a little down time if thats whats happening....lay it all on the table let them know you will write again soon,
then DO it, and if you can't write a full letter, at least send little "Hello" cards so they are not left hurt & confused......
and there is also the "trust" thing like others have mentioned. you could really destroy the trusting part of a relationship if you "toy" with their emotions, and That "is" what's morally wrong about it !!!

So if you don't think your ready to commit to a relationship in the first place don't make contact until you are ready,especially to do it "just out of curiosity"
there is a real live person there, with real feelings and you just can't walk in one day... and then just walk out. too many people are being left with broken hearts....broken lives. its just not right.

sorry....I didn't mean to go on so much...it just hit a raw place with me too, I guess.