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I'm not sure if a photo would help or not, but I did want to wish you the best of luck!
And, I do agree with the PP that there shouldn't be a "too nosey" in this situation. I understand your fear of losing the child by way of offending the birthmom, however, I also feel that they may view you as an even better parent because of it. Asking about medical issues is something that should and would concern any parent - bio or AP. I think it will demonstrate your seriousness and your interest. A good way to do this would probably be to pepper the questions with positive comments and praise about the child as well as some "nice" questions. It will lessen the blow.
Good luck!!
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Adopting one boy and one girl from Krasnoyarsk
May - October, 2007 - Researching adoption/agencies
October 17 - Signed w/ Placing Agency...dossier paperchase begins
October 19 - Signed w/ Homestudy Agency
October 22 - Filed I-600A
November 26 - Picked up approved homestudy
December 28 - Apostilled Dossier & Homestudy arrive in Russia
January 4, 2008 - Learn dossier being registered in Krasnoyarsk
January 5-January 29 - Nitpicking of docs in Kras; 5 rounds later, we're finally good-to-go
January 16 - Received I-600A/I-797C approval!
February 5 - Dossiers finally registered in Kras
April 23 - Best day ever! Received referral for our little boy
May 15 - Received our referral for our little girl! Yippee!! 
May 20-25 - TRIP 1
July 29th Court Date Rescheduled - orphanage quarantine
August 5, 2008 - New Court Date
August 6 - Adoptions Approved
August 14 - Depart JFK Trip 3
August 18 - Pick up Babies
August 23 - God Willing, Home Forever
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