[rainmon]

Regarding who should be in charge of the pace in reunion:

what I have read and agree with on the most part is the person that has been "found" should be allowed to set the pace...as they've sort of been caught off guard and need a chance to get on same page as the searcher, The searcher has been wrapped up in the search for longer and is going at a much faster pace emotionally and may expect too much too soon.
so if the adoptee is the "searcher", she should definitely let the person "found" set the pace.....or if the birthfamily member is the searcher....then the adoptee is the one that is caught off guard and is most likely overwhelmed and may need to set the pace so they can have time to process things at a slower pace to catch up with where the searcher
may be at. it seems to make sence.... Imo
to allow the person that is "found" that respect.