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I am an adptee and I can feel for you and how much this has taken a toll on you. It seems as though your Bmom is extremly needy and expecting you to fill up some kind of void in her life. I agree that adoptees ae in the middle and are somewhat victims of the decisions of others.
Please stick to your gun, you are not at all being heartless or mean. You are only doing the nest thing for yourself. Please do not let these people guilt you into doing something you are not comfortable with.
It seems that in the past the Bmoms guilt tactics(crying and carrying on whenever boudries were enforced) have worked. Now that she is not able to effectivly guilt you anymore she has her dh try to. NO NO NO!! This is NOT your responsibilty to make anyone happy or fill anyone's voids. I wonder if she has done this to the other child that was taken away from her. Your Bmom needs some kind of therapy to deal with her own issues, it is not your responsibility to make her well. You have set boundries and you need to stick to them.
Nobody can force anyone to give anything that they are not confortable giving and if by chace they are forced to or guilted into they are nore than likely being pushed away. Truth be told, if that were me(and there has been a situation with my Bsis) I would just end it after the first gulting attempt. It is simply not fair to you to be placed in such a position. With my Bsis, all bets were off after her first stunt. I simply had to put myself first and tell myself that needy people only drain me. My sanity and happiness are something I am just not willing to compromise and if anything that type of behavior made me want to run as fas away from her as possible.
EZ
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