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I'm glad you brought this subject up, JustPeachy. This is one of my pet peeves when I read reunion-related materials. Most books recommend that the adoptee be in charge of the relationship, and I absolutely do NOT agree with this. I've seen too many reunions where the now-adult adoptee calls all the shots, and I've seen it turn into a complete power trip.
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Just want to "third" this opinion. Thanks for bringing it up JP...