[takingtheplunge]

Hello. At one time I was ready to go to Russia to adopt but gave up for various reasons. I am posting here b/c the people on this board always had the best advice and are understanding of certain questions that people on other boards might be judgmental about.

Anyway, here's where I need help. We are meeting a 20 month old that a widowed parent is considering giving up for private adoption. Right now the baby is being temporarily cared for by someone else, but when the parent gets the baby back, they want to private adopt to us b/c they know we are good people who will forever care for their chld. This could be my dream come true.

However, I know that the mom used meth while preg and drank "a wine cooler or two." The living parent had been pretty candid and said alcohal was not frequent at all, but the baby did test pos. for meth at birth. It was 2 days over due, 8 lbs, and did not require medical care. Again, these are verbal claims. This is all I was able to get out of the parent, casually, without seeming too nosey. I am scared to pry too much for fear the parent will think we aren't the right parents if we ask too many medical questions.

So, when I meet the kid, what types of games should I play with him to see if he is developmentally on track? Is there any way to casually measure the head? Would a face pic sent to an IA doc be worth it or inconclusive? Basically, we want to open are hearts to this kid by obviously want to know what we are getting into. And, if he does present certain conditions, we may decide he is too much of a challenge for us.

Thanks for any advice you can give.