Lalgee, I understood your questions. I knew you weren't being mean or judgemental. I'm just glad you understand now why I'm doing what I'm doing.
Mockingbird, Yes my daughter is very imature to say the least.
This has been REALLY hard for me to do. Believe me I keep almost going to the game site to play the games "hoping" she's there just so I can know she's still alive. But if she saw me and tried to IM me (although I know she wouldn't) I would have to click out and go away and cry.
I have to find other places to go. I don't know how else to deal with this. I've done a LOT of crying these days but I know that this is best. I know that once I get used to the idea that this really is "IT" and I'm not taking anymore and this IS for the best and see the "best" coming out of not worrying about her all the time and whether she contacts me or not I will probably get past it.
This is like going through the adoption over again. But then I've had to deal with other things that have felt the same since she and I met. I can't go through this for the rest of my life.
However, if she ever actually contacts me and really sincerely means the things she's saying and not "patronizing" me to get something from me, I MAY (but I don't know) try it again. However that is going to be a VERY long time before I let her in my life again IF she ever wants back in.
I just don't want to deal with this anymore.
It hurts so much I can't bare it right now because I love her so much. I really do. I wish she loved me too.
Everyday that's passed since making this decision is killing me inside. I hate it. BUT...
I'm going to get through this! I'm going to get through this! I"m going to get through this! I've GOT to get through this!
Rylee