[Rylee45]

Thank you all for your comments. I do appreciate the things you've said.

As for the question of can I just let her alone and stop trying to communicate without burning bridges and cutting off all contact.

The answer is no. I have left her alone. I've gone months without hearing a word from her then all the sudden there she is and she acts like she really cares and then drops out of sight again for long periods of time.

When she does that it effects my emotions and then I have "issues" with my mom because of her being part of the reason that I was forsed to give my daughter away in the first place and it makes it more difficult to take care of my mother with love instead of resentment.

The other thing that happens is I go into a deep depression and feel like ending my life. I wouldn't end it but I have those wishes that God would just strike me dead so I didn't have to deal with the pain over and over again.

She will end conversations with things like, "I'm having such severe pain in my gut that I am going to the ER." or something like, "I'm leaving my husband because I can't stand it anymore and I'm afraid he's going to kill me, and then not contact me for weeks or longer and I can't get hold of her. Any snail mail that I send comes back as undeliverable. So I'm left wondering if she's alive or dead then all the sudden I see her in the game rooms and I know she's fine and just ignoring me.

And it isn't "answer me or I'll never talk to you again and here's all your stuff". When I told her the last time that I was having such a difficult time with her non responses and those last words I just described in her last IM's before her long periods of time not contacting me that I couldn't deal with it anymore, she asked me to give her another chance and she'd contact me once a week to chat. I just can't handle the stress she puts on me.

It's been 11 years since we met. There's no excuse for her behavior or abuse. If she doesn't want me in her life fine. But I'm making the decision this time and not letting her control me anymore. She's controled me for long enough and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the emotional issues that I have because of her actions or non actions.

Her things I'm talking about have been here since 2003. It's time she takes her stuff back. It's taking up space I really don't have anymore now that we're in a new house. Besides she has wanted me to get it back to her anyway but I'm not going to let her come here or know where I am or my new phone number or anything. That's why I'm taking her things to her adoptive dad's house. I just have to make the arrangements and then let him get her stuff to her or not. It will be out of my hands.

My emotions are just to deep over the adoption and then the abuse I've gotten from her and her adoptive mother are just too much. She hasn't even told her adoptive mom that we've been chatting on line for the past few years. She's had to keep it a secret so her adoptive mom wouldn't take her out of her will.

She couldn't tell her that I was the one who bought her the computer she has. She told her adoptive mom that she won it in a raffle she entered. It's ridiculous!

So, yes breaking ties is going to help me get on with my life and she won't have to worry anymore about her adoptive mom finding out about us chatting.

I just can't let her ruin anymore of my life. I will love her forever. That won't change but until she's grown up (she's 32 years old) and stops letting her adoptive mom decide what her life is going to be I can't have her in my life anymore. It's her adoptive mom who caused her to turn out to be the kind of person she is and that's something that I can't do anything about. But I can decide what I want in my life and I don't want the pain anymore.

Rylee