[dadfor2]

ok szypzz,
this one is for you. i hope i can answer all your questions. there was alot of them, so this is going to be long....

first off, let me say im from Mass. so i can only speak on this state. "adoption parties" they are awful, and yes, it feels like your shopping for a kid. I had alot of issues around them, but when i talked to the workers, she said "yes, they are awful, but we adopt more kids through these parties, and if we can think of anyone other way, we would," I never talked to any of the kids at these parties, i just couldnt bring myself to do it. The first one i went too, i couldnt stay long, i left practically in tears, it was heart wrenching, but you get to meet social workers from different agencys. its away to connect to other social workers so if they see a child that you might be interested they can attach a face (family) to the child.

As for the two sibling boys we want, ages 5 & 7, the 5 yr old has been with us since christmas. His foster mom had him for 2 yrs and did a great job preparing him for adoption. We keep in contact with her, she has been a god scent, she helps us, like i will call her and say "he does this and that" shell say "hes pushing buttons, hes testing," she knows him much better then us. Even though he has no interest in talking to her on the phone, or even brings her up rarely, we think its important for him to keep in contact with her. We help him send holiday cards and things like that, she lives kinda far from us, but we will be visiting her soon. We feel its important for him to try to keep contact since its the only family he really knew.

As for the other boy, the foster parents have given nothing but grief to us since we were identified as the family who is going to adopt the brothers. she feels they shouldnt be together that causes so much pain for the 7 yr old. she has put in for adoption for both boys which she has clearly stated she doesnt want the 5 yr old, but she will take him to keep her 7 yr old. Their homestudy has been denied, for many reasons, but their appealing it. We have no contact with the birthparent (mom) she severely abused them and caused alot of harm to them both.

THe transitioin with the 5 yr old was about 5 weeks, first visits then sleepovers. For the 5 yr old, he was suppose to go back to his foster mom for closure, before he was to come back to us permanelty, but he refused to go back, we talked to foster mom and social worker, and they said "just keep him". so we did...

regarding their special needs, they were DX with ADHD, RAD, depression. Not sure how many of these DX are true, he clearly has attached. He doesnt seem depressed, ( he does go to therapy...)and as for the ADHD, well, who knows.....we will see where that goes. I think the special needs are the fact they were both abused and witnessed alot of stuff so they do have their issues. HEs a little hyper, hes pretty smart, he remembers everything, hes behind a little in speech. We want to get him tested on everything though.

When he first came into the home, he was an angel....lol. Well, the honeymoon ended pretty quick...about three weeks. BUt to be honest, so far it hasnt been nothing we cant handle.....alot of it is just regular kid stuff, "dont want to go to bed" "dont want to eat that, just want P&J". I guess he figured out how to push my buttons.....lol. But as long as were consitant with everything, its been pretty good.

Since his brother started sleepovers, thats when the problems really started to surface, he is experiencing alot of seperation anxiety. Like last night, we went to drop him off, and the 5 yr old says "i want a hug" which he holds on to his brother for a long time, then he says "i want a kiss" , then its a hug, and we have to prey his arms away from his brother, then the screams start, and it goes pretty much till we get home, when i drop him off at day care, its the same thing.

AS for the day care...we actually knew the director, its a structured day care, they have been absoutly wonderful, they dont mind me checking in during the day, they have been great with being consistant, they are totally working with us.

As for a mans perspective....ha haha..well, i do know im a little short sometimes, i got this testerone thing.......he wants me to put him in bed, he wants me to do just about everything....i think the reason for this, is because he never had a daddy.....but it does get tiring. my suggestion to your husband "if you find yourself getting angry....let your wife step in"

I give so much credit for single parents now, for the life of me, i dont know how they can do it........ well, i guess thats it....i hope you get this szypzz....

dadfor2