[julie23]

sorry, not an adoptee.... but from the perspective of an adoptive mom who has both bio kids and a baby who was adopted.... well, i love that i have both... i love that i was able to have the biological children..... and i love that we were blessed to be able to adopt a baby....

but i don't know if they are similar... it is an interesting question to pose....

if i had not had my biological children, i would definitely feel a loss....

if was raised by adoptive parents, i would also feel a loss

maybe both situations raise the same type of questions:

what do my birthparents look like?
what would a biological child look like?

Who are my birthparents, what kind of people are they?
who would a bio child be? what kind of person would he have been?

it's not so much that what we have is lacking... or bad in anyway....

in theory, adoptive parents "replace" birthparents.... and the adopted child "replaces" the one that never was...

at least in the past... now, aparents are counseled to grieve the loss of the baby that never was... and we are counseled to recognize grief in the adopted child and allow him to grieve the loss of his birthfamily....

so, if in actuality, neither "replaces" what was lost... just creates a different family.... then, maybe they would be similar.

very interesting question. ... very thoughtful.

while I would be more understanding of a adoptee making that statement, I, too, may have been less patient with an adoptive parent saying such a thing...

although, a very good therapist once told me that anything you say prior to the word "but" becomes irrelevant when you say "but"... maybe that's why both those phrases bring up emotion....


julie